I’ve been in a relationship for almost three years. My two friends of mine met my boyfriend. Just one of them spoke to him. He has seen my boyfriend twice since the first time they met.
Around a year ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. We thought we were not going anywhere back then. It wasn’t a long break-up. Thinking about it, it was more like a pause. Though, it hurt me a lot and, obviously, I searched for solace in my friend.
He told me that I was better off alone, because my boyfriend wasn’t good for me. He drew that conclusion under the premise that he thought my boyfriend was neither friendly enough nor social enough. My boyfriend suffers from social anxiety. He doesn’t know but I have noticed it so far. I know it because we both suffer from the same type of anxiety.
From that moment, I thought how far from reality the opinion of a friend might be when judging the relationship I shared with my boyfriend.
It’s a quite tough when dismissing someone’s advice, which has been asked due to the affinity and closeness grown through the years and an occasional hardship. But, I learned that the less people are part of a relationship the better it might go. Friends judge as a spectator.
What comes down in a relationship is between two people. Friends are not aware of the inner struggles. My boyfriend is sweet and thoughtful in his own way. His lack of interest in forming a social bond with people from my life comes from his own insecurities. I don’t see the point of making him feel uncomfortable by compelling him to meet people whose own agenda is to draw their own conclusions without aspiring to see beyond the surface.
My boyfriend and I have developed a dynamic which allows us to enjoy each other’s company. We don’t get bored of each other, not now, at least. We do keep our friends close but free from any interference toward us.
A friends’ approval or disapproval of the person you are dating or sharing a romance with might undermine the intention one has to pursue the company of another person. They believe you deserve better. But, what they know about the person you’re with that you are in the dark about?
My friends’ aspirations of my boyfriend heavily relies on the ones they have for theirs. Based on the different conversation we have had, they also point out if I believe he’s right for me due to his social background and the little they know him.
Why is it a norm to expose someone to people in order to achieve a level of acceptance? Why has the success of a relationship become synonymous with social interaction?