How to Kill a Friendship

55065-Broken-FriendshipSo, how did I manage to kill a good friendship? I’ve thought of it a lot lately, specially after the holidays. My friend and I used to spend New Year’s Eve together at the beach. Since last year, I’ve been having this crazy idea that I probably did something to her that might have seriously offended her.

My suspicion began when I started noticing less and less activity on her social media. I know that it’s ridiculous to think that social media might be the go-to source to find out whether people are still friends or not. Unfortunately, it’s the reality that we face.

I checked her social media and I wasn’t able to see anything. I’m able to see very few pictures and posts here and there. The ones that had the little world icon next to the date or the time. Thus, it hit me right there. She had reduced my access to her account. It shocked me because I remembered that she did the exact same thing to a former friend of ours.

The final trigger, which monumentally unravelled the mystery, was that everybody knew she was pregnant. People, who were not her closest friends, knew she was expecting. At certain point, it became very uncomfortable because people would approach me and ask me questions about her condition, her process and other questions people want to know when someone is pregnant.

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know anything about it. The only thing I wanted to know was: why hasn’t my best friend told me about her pregnancy?

I started making up different theories to justify our alleged “break-up.” One crazier than  the one before. Although,  we can do lots of things which can result on the eminent demise of a ten-year friend relationship. We confided on each other when the need of speaking out our hearts was necessary. We used to have a lot of fun. Basically, we did everything together. In spite of the different changes that we had, we found a way to stay in touch.

Nonetheless, there was something that took place which distanced us. I listed several changes that I underwent in the last four years to pinpoint the exact reason. Each of them make no sense to stop talking to a very dear fondness.

First, I blamed it on my boyfriend. I’m not implying that he asked me to terminate my friendship with her. I believe that my relationship paved the way to create a gap between my friend and I. I had been single for a long term of my young-adult life. It was very easy because she took the place of what a boyfriend would’ve taken. I was even the third wheel whenever she had a boyfriend who wasn’t bothered with the fact that she had a male friend. Gay, but male! So, when I started dating my current boyfriend, we started to hang up a lot less.

I also work far away from my hometown. So, I have to spend most of the week in the city where my job is. I rent an apartment. I come back every weekend. But, I only have two days to hang with my family and my boyfriend, who also lives in my hometown. So, the time I have left, it is not enough.

Moreover, in 2014, I had to overcome a very serious health problem.  Due to doctor’s recommendation, I had to stay at home for two months in order to recover properly. I followed my doctor’s orders precisely. I also had to apply other changes in my daily in order to remain healthy and out of danger.

For instance, I stopped drinking alcohol. Friendship allows friends to party heavily,  drink lots of alcohol and get home at dawn. When one part of a friendship stops doing so, finding things to do together becomes hard. I remember that I used to invite my friend over coffee to chat and have good laugh at different things. It worked for a while. Then, out of the blue, she began making absurd excuses to cancel a coffee date that we had planned for days.

I remember, one day, she invited me to go out. I immediately accepted the invitation and told her about a beautiful coffee shop that was recently opened. She said yes right away. I was thrilled. However, a few hours before our coffee date, she texted me saying that she couldn’t go. Right after saying that, she suggested that a very popular bar, in our hometown, was having a huge event, and she would love to go. Unfortunately, I declined. I know that maybe I’ve obsessed myself with this need to cleanse myself, to stay away from any harm, and to follow my doctor’s recommendation so strictly. But, I don’t want to jeopardize my health and improvement. I just don’t.

Since that moment, she didn’t text me again. The few times I texted her, her replies were not as cheerful or dramatic or eloquent. Her messages were very brief.

One day, she called me. I was very surprised. She asked to come over and help her out to study for a test she had to take. I agreed to go. I felt used, but I knew that this was the time to ask for an explanation. I did and she gave the lamest excuse I have ever heard. She stated that she stopped any contact with me because she didn’t like the idea of me hanging out with a former friend of ours.

We used to have friend who we hung out with a lot. But, for several reasons, we decided to cut him off our friendship with him because he had become a negative influence and unfunny to have around. So, when I accepted a job position at the same place he works, my friend decided to stop talking to me. She justifies herself by saying that I’m easily influenced and she didn’t trust me anymore. She believed that I would be friends with him again. She hates him for lots of reason. I still think that it was a schoolgirl’s excuse.

Now, I believe that friendships are not sometimes meant to last forever. I used to think that our friendship was strong enough to deal with time, separation and what life brings upon you. I have people who are still friends with me. They don’t care about the people I might talk to and date with. I honestly feel very happy about everything that she is living right now. But, it’s hard to believe at times that she would turn into that kind of person.

People grow up, change and set a different path to follow in life. Maybe, that is what I did without noticing. I took a different direction in order to have a meaning in life. My meaning. I’m contemplating now that what I have now is what I need. I have a nice relationship with my parents and my boyfriend. Professionally, I’m doing pretty good. So,  at the end, it was for the best for the two of us.

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