In a related post, I wrote about one specific perk of being the eldest. To continue with such endearing burden of carrying on the life of others in my shoulder, I would try again to salute any other eldest children who relate to my amiable tantrum.
Yesterday, I began watching a new series on Netflix. As the plot kept unraveling, I continued pondering on how accurate this actress’ depiction of what an eldest child does is. I don’t want to imply that other shows or movies, which have dealt family-drama plots, didn’t portray the dynamic successfully. The comedic aspect of this series knocked me out and shook some bones in me.
The perk of being an eldest child is that I have got the remorse-free opportunity to LIE to one of our parents and siblings about anything which needs to be concealed from their scrutiny. It feels as if I had been awarded a knighthood. For instance, a few weeks ago, my mom asked me to “lend” her some money, because she owed it and needed to pay it back ASAP. It was kind of suspicious that she would ask me for money that way. I said to her that I certainly could. Later, I was taken aback when she told how much she needed. I don’t even make that amount with my monthly payment. Later, she explained to me the reason why she was asking me for all that money.
I understood right away and didn’t hesitate to go to the bank the next day.
The great thing is I was told not to tell anybody and lie if someone asks me anything. I got my free-punishment lying pass. It is not that I haven’t lied to my parents, the thing is that I usually have to hide stuff from my other siblings because it comes with the job.
I believe that I must comply with my mom’s wishes just as a way to keep the family’s interaction just the way it normally goes. This is not the first time I have to do so. I don’t feel any regret of having done it. Though, I wish I could tell my sister in order to work on a solution together. However, I always come to my senses because when a random affair occurs what an older child is capable of grasping differs from the ‘limited’ or ‘immature’ perspective of a younger child.
I’ve wished multiple occasions to have just a free moment at home when I don’t have to worry about the ifs, the whats, the whens and the whys of everything that goes on.
I’m simply happy so far that I haven’t had the misfortune to hide a parent-lover sort of affair. I believe it would become the last straw. I can’t picture myself dealing with something as to find a middle ground to stop a tragedy to happen.
I have felt that I’ve been given such responsibility because I’ve been constantly dragged to some issues my parents have dealt with their marriage. Growing up, my mom would tell me, ‘You’re older than them, you need to be more responsible,’ which got imprinted in the way I would make advances cautiously to any circumstance I would have to face. I remember as a child taking my siblings to another room while my parents fought over something. It’s funny to know that my siblings would say something as ‘I don’t remember you doing something like that.’ It really sounds as if you were watching a movie, but it’s the real deal.
I have witnessed the interaction my siblings have with my parents and I’ve noticed the difference from the one I have. It is a pressure-free sort of relation while mine shifts to a serious discussion of matters which needs to be addressed and figured out. At these moments, conspiracy plans are set when I involuntarily swore secrecy.
I have been entitled with the charge of partaking the duty to keep the family together and in-check. Is there anyway I can take a day off?