It’s been almost two years now since I met my boyfriend. We met through a dating app. First, I felt unsure and skeptic of signing up at first. But, I did. I don’t regret it a bit. I met him and my life changed a lot, positively.
However, before considering to have a long term relationship with him, I meditated a lot on the different circumstances I would put myself through. I still think of them. I even have to drink some tea or some other natural-remedy-based pill to keep my anxiety at bay.
Dating a younger guy at my age (37) or any other age feels like drowning in some once-visited waters when you were those waters. Now, I’m the diver. I feel very terrified of diving in because I’m thinking I know better. I learned by observing my friend, who loved dating older guys, being a completely insensible and selfish. I felt sorry for the guy who was being played by a brat.
So, most of the time, when I started considering pursuing a relationship with my 20-year-old boyfriend, I almost drove myself insane due to different reasons I came up with for not dating him at all. I know I’m happy I didn’t pay attention to any of them. But, from time to time, I recall them very clearly.
These are my 6 Concerns Why I didn’t Want to Date My Boyfriend
I can’t stop myself from aging. I sometimes look at my boyfriend and ask myself if it is a good idea to date someone so young as he is. In a few years, he will be twenty something, full of life and energy. On the contrary, I’ll be over forty. I know that I will still have lots of energy. I take care of myself.
Despite all the cares in the world, I won’t be able to run faster than age. I can’t stop nature, I can’t make aging go slower or stop it. I wish I had a cryogenic chamber to slow down getting old, in order to remain desirable and attractive.
At some point, I believe that he won’t be interested in me anymore. Having a great personality counts for something for sure. But, looks are part of the constant attraction and desire of keeping the flame burning. My fear is that after being together for a lengthy period of time, he would end up dumping me because I don’t look the way I looked the day we met. So, I’ll be back at the starter’s line, waiting for someone who wants to be with me.
I regularly feel outdated. My boyfriend and I are from different generations. I sometimes make fun of him because we are teenage-life apart. Despite living during this era, many things seem very new to me. There are many different cultural references that I don’t know of. I try to keep up with them in order to relate with my workmates and other people I work for, but it gets a little bit overwhelming. I know what I know because I lived through and absorbed it like a sponge. But, now, it takes me a while to understand just a little bit of information, because in order to understand one, I need to know more pieces of the puzzle.
Thus, when we are having a talk or discussion about a certain topic, he applies references to make his point, which I haven’t heard. As well, I use others that seem too old from him to recognize.
I’m done partying. Even though, my boyfriend doesn’t enjoy going out to bars and discos. I am definitely not able to picture myself at a bar or disco. That time of my life is buried. I enjoyed it when I had the stamina to dance at my heart’s content, drink as if a dry-spell law would be passed on the next day, and arrive home at the break of dawn. Let’s not even talk about the recovery. Last time I went partying, it took a least three to feel myself again. I felt sleepy all the time, had second-hand tea bags hanging down from my eyes, and felt sick all the time. Not a cute picture!
Fortunately, I found a guy who is incredibly not interested in spending a minute in bar or disco. Otherwise, I guess he would’ve kicked me out of his life right after two months of dating (I’m giving myself some credit he wouldn’t get bored of me in a month).
Trust. Big word. Coping with trust in a relationship with a younger guy is difficult. Most of us, over 30 guys, experienced the impossibility of younger guys, in our era, to remain faithful to their older guy or daddy. Most boys, because we feel they are boys compared to us, have a very unstable attention spasm, or at least that’s how we feel about them. We are constantly afraid of being sat down to hear the ‘talk.’ “I met someone else. Sorry I didn’t mean to.” Dreadful! Even though, my boyfriend hasn’t given me any reason to regard him as a cheater, I can’t put an end to this occasional uneasiness.
Older men carry a lot of stigma. We come from a time when stigma part of growing up. We were taught to judge ourselves and others. We still hold lots of predetermined conceptions about many different subjects and ideologies. Thus, it is difficult to get over them. They are rooted very deeply.
One stigma is dating a young guy. When I was twenty, my friends and I criticized a friend for dating an older guy. We were incapable of getting over the fact that a man, over his thirty, could date a twenty-something guy. We didn’t find it scandalous, but we believed it to be pathetic. We assumed our friend wanted only to take advantage of him because of his money, clothing, great vacations, name it! But now, in the position that I am now, I see I was wrong. But, I can’t stop thinking what my friends would think of me now.
I recalled this situation I went through with my boyfriend. He was, apparently, losing interest on me. So, I was very apprehensive. I needed someone to talk to. So, I went over my friend’s house. He pointed out how young my boyfriend was and it was expected for us to be where we were at during that time. He also alluded that I shouldn’t be with him because he might only be interested in my financial status. That was really rude!
But, there I was. I was being the joke for my friends to laugh at. I was the sugar daddy being played with by brat.
I believe we have certain degree of disagreement of what a commitment is. It is hard to know that a guy who is younger than you, with all a life ahead of him, many obstacles to surpass and adventures to live through, would leave all that behind to get on board a long term relationship commitment. As an almost-forty-year-old man, I know how important those life experiences are. They shape your character and, even better, twenties is the time when you are allowed to make mistakes, you will have time later on in life to make things right.
Which guy would like to throw all that away? The insatiable thirst to try something new and exhilarating is the meal of the day. We can’t give those priceless adventures to these guys.
I’m already looking for a more stable and calm kind of life. I usually dream of what my countryside house would look like, the dog’s breed we would raise and, if possible, the name of our son or daughter. I have the impression that I’m at that period of settling down for good.
However, at certain age, it is a lot to swallow. I don’t tell those things to my boyfriend because I know I would scare him away. But, I sometimes believe that I should do it because he needs to know where I am heading to with our relationship. I kinda already did, he agreed with some of the terms of my commitment with this relationship, but I still feel hesitant. I didn’t exactly draw the whole picture.
Well, I noticed this blog has become quite wordy. So, as some final words, nothing can be done. The heart is the heart. Love is a gamble, and the only way to win is by playing the game with everything I’ve got. Whatever happens, I already lived it and I’m still standing.