My New Mantra

Today, I saw this pic from a Facebook page that I follow. It put in motion a whirlwind of thoughts in my sometimes-too-imaginative-and-reflective mind, based on something that recently shook my world to me. Few days ago, my ex got in touch with me. And the conversation left with a little sour taste in my mouth for the first texting-talk we’ve had in almost 3 years or so.  

He searched for me. Even though, we are not friends in Facebook and we don’t follow each other in any other social media app (Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and so on). We just don’t follow each other. He thinks he is the best humanity has ever created since the discovery of gravity or electricity. He believes he is the second coming of Clark Gable, or even, he thinks of himself so high that he thinks he is Brad Pitt’s long lost brother. In other words, he is just simply an overwhelming character. That’s why we don’t follow each other, because I’m not good at feeding someone else’s ego. Therefore, I chose not to have any connection with him.

However, he reappeared a week ago. He messaged me through Facebook messenger. We had the shortest conversation ever, but he sent me his phone to continue texting through whatsapp. At that point, I was a little intrigued to know what this sudden interest of me was all about. So, I added his number to my contact list and texted him. 

The conversation went as follows:

Me: This my number. Hi!

Him: Thanks! How have you been?

Me: Fine. U?

Him: Fine 2. Any boyfriends?

Me: Haha! No. U?

Him: Neither.

Me: Why? Too much work?

Here he sent me an audio

Him: I don’t want to be with anyone at this moment. Everyone is the same. Unless, this year, something good might happen. Only God knows.

Me: Only God knows.

Him: When will you come to visit me?

Me: Are you back?

Him: Yes. I am. I got tired and quit. TOO DAMN FAR AWAY!

Me: I understand. I also work far away from home. I hope I’ll be back in 2017.

And… He didn’t reply to that last text ever. EVER.

Obviously I spoke to my close friends about it for some advice. They all told me that he only want to have sex again. But, I know what is really going on. HE FEELS LONELY. We were boyfriends because Xmas and New Year’s Eve were coming and he didn’t want to feel alone. Now, Valentine is coming, so I suspect he is feeling alone again.

I might be wrong. But when I read the quote from the pic at the beginning of this post, I just knew it. If I want to be hurt again, I just need to fall in his game again. 

I deserve something better, or at least, someone who cares about me and want to get to know me as much as I want to get to know him. From now on, I want people to try to please me, not me trying to please them by making life easier and less complicated. I want to be visited, picked up for the movies and waited… I want, for once, to be asked what I do really want to do. Not, wait for others to plan something for me to do when my preferences are not taken in consideration. 

So, if I’m slightly considering to get back with my ex again, I must be sure that he will definitely aim at my heart. 


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