It’s been more than three years that I had my last “meaningful” relationship. And, still today, the shadow of him keeps haunting me. How come? It’s been quite a long time. It is about time that I feel no emotion whatsoever when someone talks about him or if I see his picture “accidentally.”
Well, I think that I was over him but I’m not. I still think about him, and this feeling invades me. It’s not desire to see him, or to be him him. It is more like anger, willing-to-kick-his-bumble-butt, laugh-at-his-face kind of feeling.
I blame Facebook and “dating” apps (it more like let’s-date-under-some-dirty-sheets-while-we-are-naked-and-horny site).
I remember when there was no Facebook or anything similar to it. And, when you use your phone for making calls and simply texting. Now, my ex is EVERYWHERE. He is not a friend in Facebook, but he is with some other friends of mine. So, it is so hard not to know what he has been up to, how good he looks right now, or how well he is doing. I’m happy for all of that because I NEVER wish any harm or misfortune to nobody. KARMA always comes to my mind.
But, Jesus! Can I have a break? I did love the guy and he played with my feelings. I don’t consider myself weak, but I need to not know about the guy to be able to get over him.
Today, I was going through a dating app, because I was bored, and I wanted someone to chat, to REALLY chat. I’m on vacation and broke. I bought a car and spending for a seven-day stay in a hotel at the beach is not really in my budget right now. Anyway, I was on this app, and, out of nowhere, he appears in the home page. He did not have a face pic, but a back pic. However, he has a very recognizable tattoo…so, I immediately knew that it was him. I just wanted to smash my cell phone against the wall. DAMN YOU, TECHNOLOGY!
I love everything about technology, but come one! I just need to be at peace. Get over him. But, he keeps popping up everywhere I log in.
I’ve been thinking of blocking him, but I believe that it is very immature of me. But, I can’t also disconnect from the world. Technology and social media are not part of my job description, but they are, at some point, very important. I think what I need to do is really to get strong and stop thinking that I’m not worthy, or that he is the best next thing. It is easy to write, but I guess it will take a little more than that.
Well, anyhow, I must. I will. Life is too short and overwhelmingly attached to communication, and I can’t hide under a rock from the next one hundred years. Facebook, you are my friend/foe. You too, Grindr, Scruff, Manhunt, and Jack’d.