I have always dreamed of spending #Christmas with a boyfriend who actually wants to spend time with me for more than one Christmas. I did spend one #Xmas night with a guy who had the potential to become a regular figure on my so-desired Xmas tradition of love and hot, bed action. Unfortunately, it didn’t last more than one Xmas eve. To make things worse, he hadn’t even bought my present. I had to wait till the next day to go with him to the store and buy it. Spoiler 101!
Who does that? Besides him, of course! I took my time to get a present for him, wrap it and take it home where we just watch a couple of movies and went to bed. Now that I think of it, I was being unrealistically hopeful that I had found a guy who would’ve turned my Xmas into something enjoyable and romantic every year. As usual, I was wrong.
So, how has Christmas Eve been for me?
Well, I usually spend all day in my house, sleeping, watching tv, reading blogs or a book, and eating whatever that is eatable in my mom’s fridge. If I’m in the mood, I go to the gym or jog a little. At night, I have dinner my family and unwrap my present, which is not something I really like because I’m a very impossible person to please. I know my mom does a great effort to get me something I would like, but her taste and mine are as opposing as presidential candidates’s economic views. Nonetheless, with all the love that I have in my heart for her, I smile and pretend to like so much that I just take all the strength that I might have to wear it or use it (depending on what it is).
After my family dinner, my friends and I meet at one of my friend’s house. We are there just drinking and having fun. But, what I dislike about this gathering is that I’m the only one who is single. All of them are there with their couples, laughing and talking about what they get for Xmas. Then, they ask me what I get from Xmas, and, at that moment, the tone of discontent retelling the unpleasing moment when my mother gave me my brithday presents works as a humoristic breaker of the love-is-in-the-air atmosphere. Obviously, I try to embellish my story a little just for making everybody laugh and forgetting that it is Xmas and I’m there with them by myself.
Nonetheless, I cannot deny how blessed I’m of having such a great family who still gathers around a table on Xmas Eve to spend a time together. Sharing such as blessing has become a luxury for some families, whose members are usually stuck at work or, by a misfortune of fate, are not longer part of the family. I still have it and treasure it. There’s no place I’d rather be in Xmas Eve. Because, the love and joy that my family gives me is the thing that keeps me real.
Though, I still feel a little pitiful. I’m 35 years old, not that bad looking (I still make some heads turn my way when I walk by-I hope it is for the right reasons). I would like to settle down, to have this guy is expecting these kinds of holidays to be around me and me around him, and have a blast. I wish to have a discussion about which house we will spend Xmas and which family party we will be at in New Year’s Eve. It might be a little selfish of me, but I do wish that.
At a certain point, people are not always fully content with all the blessing that they have. I am one of them. However, I guess it is not a fatal sin to wish love, in a different shape from a brother, mother, father or friend, to be in my life. I want something of my own to call love and home. And, eventually, I will be the one hosting the next Xmas dinner.