When everything started to seem so awfully wrong and out of place, it was the time when everything I once loved was almost wiped out clean from my life.
We all have our shares of dirty little secrets that we don’t like sharing with other people, not matter how close they are, even though those little secrets are not so dirty after all. Actually, they are the kinds of things we hold on to for personal enjoyment and self-proclamation affirming that the world, at some point, above any meaningless perceptions we might have, is still a place for us. It is the right place. It’s where we can be happy.
Despite of being at the right place, it is so easy to forget about those things we’d furtively love behind close doors.
At this point, your perception of my dirty little secret might surface the land of sexual fetishes, cannibalism or any capital sin there is or there is going to be. I apologize for disappointing you, but till this moment, my dirty little secret does not resemble anything like those fetishes or secrets. Although, who knows? Maybe I will develop one at certain point. Yet, not into inflicting pain to others and eating that much meat.
Back to the main point, we tend to forget what really invigorates our souls. At that point of the day, when everything seems lost and disturbing, there is always something that you do that bring your chi back on the right track with your inner universe (it sounds cliche, but that’s the truth).
Lately, I truly forgot how the thing that I used to do had kept going every single day. I unconsciously looked forward the right moment of any given day to sit down and fancied myself.
Why did I forget? Courage. Struggles are real, all people have them every single day. They fight and conquer, and even when they don’t, there is something that they feel proud of doing to keep them hanging on and enjoying life at its fullest.
So, I realized that I forgot because I became weak and unsure. I turned into who I always fought not to be, a weakling. I allowed myself to be drawn away for the thing I have started to love the most. I was stupid, well I was not, I still am, because I still suffer from the never-ending and always-approaching negativity (
shit) from others that gets me right back in the spot and makes me really forget who I am.
So, why is it so easy to forget? Because I left courage lost in some crowded avenue. Because I relinquished any desire for my own happiness when I started to listen more to other people’s voices than my own.
I love WRITING. Yes! Shockingly ordinary and simple, but this is my little dirty secret. I’m not the greatest writer there is, but I love writing. And, obviously, I love when someone reads my stuff. I want to be good, get better and, maybe, start fulfilling the dream that I have always had: Become a Columnist. It’s the only true indication that I’m still alive and that I have a voice of my own and strangers are interested to know about my voice.
I didn’t stop due to any negative criticism that I might have had about my writing skills, I just stopped because I let other’s negativity about their lives got through me and plant a seed. Forgetting what I love so much to do made me unhappy, miserable and cranky. I was never like that. But, when other people get through me, there were few things that I could do to be back in my feet.
However, there is always a chance when reality hits real hard. And boy, it almost knocked me down. Now, I remember why I love writing. It’s my way to find catharsis. To find a way through life and be back, stronger and happier.
Thanks to a new acquaintance, I realized that I surely need to remind myself that what I want for myself is right here in me and in this blog. So, thanks a lot for reminding me that, and if you read this, you know this post is because of you and thanks to you.
Thanks for reading and liking this post. I’m back. Finally.