Breakups are generally nasty. The few that aren’t, at some point, become nastier. But there are some that actually bring out the positive from the one who lost the most.
Approximately two years ago, I met someone who made me happy. Insecure at times, but happy. He treated as anyone had ever done it before. So, I fell for it. It is so easy to believe in words and moments spent with a person to realize that something is about to grow and last. Just like a nice garden that one takes care of it to make it grow strong and beautiful. However, there was also some bad weed growing around in this beautiful garden he had made for me.
We broke up. He had some ghosts he needed to deal with. His former boyfriend was the shadow in our relationship. He started to change. He became distant and less interested. I knew it was happening but I didn’t want to deal with it. I was secretly hoping that he would come around and look at me to realize that I was who he really needed. Eventually, I realized that I wasn’t what he needed. I faced him some weeks later when we were nothing but forced friends. Therefore, I collected the information I needed to open my eyes. And from that moment on, it happened.I opened my eyes wide, I never closed them again. A change just came along.
From that last moment I ever saw him, I swore to myself, in the presence of a very close friend, that I will become someone he would’ve ever thought of leaving. I would become hotter, stronger, smarter, more successful and happier. I don’t feel all of that, but things are slowly working out.
Two years later, change has finally come to kick in. It has become noticeable and people are digging in it. But he is unaware of it.
Sometimes I ask myself about his whereabouts. I want to log in my Facebook and search for him (we aren’t friends on Facebook and any other social media webpage). I log in dating sites to find him by “accident” but he isn’t there either.
So, how do I feel about this change I made that has some other people looking at me differently as they did before, but he is not there, not ANYWHERE to cross paths with me and N-O-T-I-C-E it? I have been trying to answer that everyday. Lately, I have been thinking about him more than usual. I want to know if he has a boyfriend. I want to know if he is fine and doing well in his job. But the best of all, I want to know if he knows about me.
I guess that I won’t know for sure. But the results I got so far are pleasing me a lot. I have to thank him because I was able to turn my life around.
What are those results? Well, I started working out. I wanted to show him that I can be prettier and hotter. My body is shaping so well that I can’t even believe how good my body has turned into. It has been long, painful, stressful, depressive and, absolutely, tiresome. But it is totally worth it.
As time passes by, the more determined I become. My confidence grows. Fear is not gone, but at least I have something to fight it back.
So, did this breakup help me? Hell it did. Did it almost kill me? Literally, it almost did. Nevertheless, who would’ve thought of me being who I am today.