Friend, Are You My Foe?

I’ve heard that friends are the only family you CAN choose. You pair up with those chosen ones by certain degree of interest-closeness and personality connections. The enjoyment of life becomes easy and gay. You experience every life event differently and cheerfully. The memories you keep and tell when all gather together to laugh and rejoice are countless and unique. There’s nothing better than a well-lived friendship and to keep creating more tales to tell.

Unfortunately, there’s the ugly truth about friends. One, you probably keep denying yourself, has finally come. You fear it has happened already, because all that fun you’ve had with your friends will soon be over and is over now.

Change comes. But an address change, or job change, or name change won’t cause any major disturbance in the chemistry between two friends or a group of good friends. Keeping in touch is much easier than it used to be. The change comes uninvited and unannounced. Sometimes it’s for the better of your friends, their welfare, and for the better consistence of the friendship ties. In some occasions, such change just sends what is a good friendship is straight to the very hole of oblivion.

My recent experience was to look at one of my friends and become aware that I have already forgot who he was. Every time I go out with him for any occasion–coffee, dinner, party, road trip, whatever–I realize that I’m going out with a stranger. We laughed I admit, but laughter seems bitter. I feel that the worst of me comes out to play when I’m around him. I’m getting stronger and I’m not being pulled by his obscure energy anymore. Nonetheless, it should not be happening at all. I should be happy to hang out with someone who has befriended with me for more than six years (he’s the newest among my friend circle, or he was???).

Should I update it?

So, how can a sweet, caring guy turn into this full-time vicious bitch? I’m still in shock and really ambivalent. I’m not sure what to do. The immediate action that I underwent was to start hanging out less and less often with him. I love all of my friends but we respect who we are individually, our choices, and our professional and romantic endeavors. However, we always let the others know about our perspectives. We have grown through the years, not to become saint or gurus, yet better, to become a real big family.

But change has come. His words pain me. His grandeur airs blind me. His “new he” has made his beauty faded away.

One proof is last night, before, while and after a soccer game, it came to my attention that I no longer belong to his circle of friends. Better said, he doesn’t belong to mine. I felt disappointed, but with me. I saw it coming and never stopped it. I never raised my voice to let him know how painful his words are, how harsh to get along with him has become, and how resolute his actions are to diminish anybody around him. He has really turned into The Wicked Bitch of Any Place. Yesterday night, he diminished some new acquaintances of mine I was meeting at the moment he came by to pick me up by saying, ‘They’re my age, but they’re not as successful as I am.’ He said so because I happily pointed out that they share the age similarity and they might be capable to get along. Though, I realized, right after his smug comment, he won’t have any interest to meet them. 

Months before last night, I also realized that he doesn’t care about other people’s life problems anymore. Once he told me another heartless lesson of his new me. Because a friend of his was going through her divorce, I asked him to give her a call to show some friend support. He just said, without looking at me, ‘I don’t like people crying about their problems. Their problems are not mine.’ I was overcome by horror and sadness.

Sometimes, he is very obstinate when we go out, because I’m not into the same sort of party that he is now (I used to be, but I got really tired and it seems pointless). He is very into coke and weed. Two things that I’m so over with. But, now he is always trying to get me back into it, and when he realizes that his efforts are being hopeless, he starts saying, ‘Eli used to smoke a lot,’ ‘Eli used to sniff an ounce of coke PER NIGHT,’ and he goes on and on to all the people who are joining us at those moments. 

He doesn’t ask for favors anymore, he simply demands them. What you want to do is overruled if he doesn’t like it. But you must do what he wants, because he can stop speaking to you.

I can keep writing about all the things he had said and done that I believe deeply are really mean, vicious and derogatory. But there is one specifically that took me aback, he introduced one of his girlfriend into drugs. The one girlfriend who is going through her divorce. She is so into it real hard that I and a mutual friend are really concerned about the whole addiction thing, and he seems so negligent and fine with it. His only response, every time we questioned him about his level of responsibility towards her and her addiction, is that she is a grown woman and she knows what she’s doing. No matter how old someone is drugs are not something to be trifled with.

I can’t believe a person can become what he is now. Change is supposed to bring personal and spiritual growth. But, not to take some steps back in evolution. I’m afraid that, at some point, we will become simple foes.

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