Is it that hard to get over?

WARNING: I’m going to be very corny and, for some people, pathetic in this post.

This year hasn’t been easy at all. Trying to get over a relationship that I put my heart and energy to make it work is the hardest thing ever. And the saddest thing of all is that I still keep my hopes to be with him.

The latest revelation of how hard it’s to get over that former boyfriend I  still think about hit me this last weekend. I went clubbing with my two best friends and we had a blast. But I kept staring at the different faces that surrounded me and passed by me. I even tried to look at faces that were far from me. I searched for the motherfucker. I searched and searched over and over again. My friends and I went to different places, I skimmed every face and every corner to find him. I was yearning to spot him at any moment in any place. But I failed. I didn’t run out with him.

I went to the places he usually goes. Fortunately, or unfortunately, my friends like those places. I’m kind of getting the vibe of liking them as well. I doubt it is for the right reason.

Why do I keep punishing myself? Because I just love it. I love the way he makes my world crumble down. I love the way he crashes my self-esteem into dust. When I’m close to him, there’s no other reason to be. When I’m around him, nothing is good enough. I’m not good enough. I’m neither hot enough nor cool enough. He just made my world seems little and pathetic.

I’m not over him. But, I can’t keep thinking of him and crashing me this way. It’s not right at all.

I’m not very into Miley Cirus, however, whoever wrote her latest song, Wrecking Ball, knew what I was going through. He killed me with that song. And the best thing of all is I CAN’T STOP PLAYING THE SONG.

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